The little things are going to be the hardest

[jducoeur]

I just went to my Facebook page, and realized another little trauma that I'll have to deal with eventually. I've been putting off removing my wedding ring -- I'll have to eventually (maybe after the Memorial Service), but that's *hard*. And now I realize that someday I'm going to have to change my FB Relationship Status to "single". I'm honestly unsure which of those is going to be more difficult. There are dangers in being sensitive to symbolism, and both of these are powerful symbols -- one very classic, one very modern.

(I *am* still having a broadly good week. But the little notes of melancholy still lurk around the edges...)

Comments

[tafkad.livejournal.com]

You don't HAVE to do either of those things. While you might be legally single or something, your heart seems to tell you that you're still married. When you're ready to say goodbye for real, you'll say goodbye for real. The rest of it is just walking through the rituals.

Some widowers keep their rings on for years. Grieve as do, not as someone tells you you're "supposed to." And if you find yourself happy during the grieving process, that's fine too. If you find yourself with a sweet memory, enjoy it as much as you like. If a day is a living hell for you, then it's just part of the healing process.

Please don't worry about your pace or style of grieving unless it starts to disturb you. You need to do what you need to do, and when you don't need to anymore, it will let go with remarkable ease.

But please don't worry that people reading your Facebook page will cluck their tongues at you for keeping the word "married" if that's what you are in your heart.

In the meantime, lots of people love you and are praying for you in our own ways.

Hello from Ruantallan, surfing through on a friend of friend's page

[estela-dufrayse.livejournal.com]

When my stepdad passed, my mum took her rings to a local jeweler and had a new ring made. Might be an idea for you as well, joining yours and Jane's (if you have them) rings into a new ring.
Don"t let other people's ideas cloud your own feelings. You will do what is right for you.