Sometimes, ya just gotta filk

[jducoeur]

'Twas Christmas, and the panicked droves
The mallstore's fierce parking would brave:
For sacking of the treasure-troves,
Receipts of gift to save.

"Beware the Shopping Cart, my son!
The open maw, the wheels that catch!
Beware the Store Cashier, who at
Your credit card will snatch!"

He took his wallet firm in hand:
Through bright-lit alleys gifts he sought --
Then rested in a food court chair,
For prezzies he'd found nought.

And, as with queasy tum he sat,
From drinking too much nog of egg,
The empty Shopping Cart a-rolled,
And smacked into his leg!

One, two! Three, four! Through every store
The plastic card again he swiped!
The gifts he brought out to the lot,
And then he went home, wiped.

"And, has thou filled the Shopping Cart?
O, sit down in this chair and chill!"
He could not wait, gifts to uncrate,
For he'd not pay the bill.

'Twas Christmas, and the panicked droves
The mallstore's fierce parking would brave:
For sacking of the treasure-troves,
Receipts of gift to save.

(with deepest apologies to Lewis Carroll, and a tip of the hat to Rhymezone.)

Comments

[filkerdave.livejournal.com]

Read via a link in dglenn's LJ.

Bravo!

[allisona.livejournal.com]

Wonderful! (I read it re: dglenn 's journal, too)

[faireraven.livejournal.com]

Add me to the collection of people who read this from dglenn's journal... ;)

And linked it to mine, if'n ya don't mind... :)

[vvalkyri.livejournal.com]

And found it from hers, since she was slightly later in posting and hence earlier read than dglenn on my friends page.

[jducoeur]

Feel free -- it's nice to know that folks were amused...

[learnedax.livejournal.com]

Having had to brave the stores last night, I'd say this is about right.

I think you've gotten the style down just right (although, too be technical, it ought to be ABAB). And I for one didn't find it through dglenn.

[jducoeur]

(although, too be technical, it ought to be ABAB).

Interesting -- I'd missed that detail. The original is not strictly ABAB, which is what threw me off. Verses 1 and 3 are ABAB, which I entirely overlooked. Verse 4 is AABCCB, which I matched correctly. Verses 2 and 5 are ABCCB, which I followed for 5 but forgot about for 2.

Oh, well -- pretty close, anyway. It was a fun little poetic challenge, and somehow I just had to do it after noticing that "Jabberwock" and "Shopping Cart" scan. Which tells you something about just how tired and easily amused I am right now...

[learnedax.livejournal.com]

I really have to stop correcting people when I don't know what I'm talking about. Since, counting the opening/closing, five of seven are ABAB (with one having additional intraline matching) I can see why I forgot that it was more complicated. You do in fact do a good job with the rhyme scheme, looking again more closely.

Jabberwocky

[anniemal.livejournal.com]

1) Stanzas 3, 5, & 6 are not in ABAB in original.

2) Yes, via D'Glenn.

3) Aaaaaaarrggghh!!

Jabberwocky

[anniemal.livejournal.com]

I just went back and reread what you wrote. Now I'm really confused. My excuse is that I was a bio major, and didn't get decent education in English, though I keep at it.

Re: Jabberwocky

[jducoeur]

The confusion is solely in the definition of "verse". I wasn't thinking about the first/last refrain, just the main body. So take all the numbers I cited and add 1, and it should make more sense...

[aliza250.livejournal.com]

Any friend of D'Glenn has got to be a weirdo. :-)

Wonderful poem.