A Thousand Mixed Emotions

(None of this is thoughtful introspection. It's time to just say a bit of what I feel.)

It's very strange, sitting in my comfortable (if isolated) environment, and seeing capital-H History happening all over the country.

We were in Waltham this afternoon (just to get a bit of ice cream and go for a walk in a slightly less crowded environment), and drove past a single protester, standing silent vigil in the square beside Moody Street, holding a sign. I can't help but think that it was so correct: anger, solemnitude, and protest against the monstrous time we are in.

I have a lot of co-workers in Minneapolis, which is one of my company's main centers -- I won't deny that I'm worried for them.

But my heart is very much with the protesters: the justification here is so real and so deep, and this is bringing to a head so many years of horror, that I don't have a lot of sympathy for anyone who says they should just sit back, shut up, and continue to take it.

And yes, I'm a little horrified by the violence -- but very conscious that a fair chunk of that (quite likely most of it) is almost certainly coming from a combination of poseurs and provocateurs (all too many of them white) who are intentionally egging it on. A few are trying to discredit the protests; I'm sure that all too many are simply trolls who are taking advantage of the opportunity to get their rocks off and do some damage. None of it reduces the reality that enough is fucking enough.

And of course, you have Trump and his master crony Barr (who I halfway feel is an even worse criminal and traitor than Trump, because he bloody well ought to know better than The Great Orange Infant), pouring oil on the flames in order to score political points. A race war would suit Trump just fine at the moment. When even Mitch McConnell sounds downright measured and reasonable compared to Trump (and appears to be trying to distance himself), things are way off the rails and careening into Crazytown.

And there is this uncontrollable sense that 2020 is one of those years that a thousand history books will be written about: when all the insanity and poison and incompetence leading up to this moment came to a head. There have been many such years in history. Most of them aren't happy stories.

And like so many, I'm carried along with events, a frustrated passive observer of moments that matter so much. I don't have anything useful to say, and not much useful to do. But we can't pretend that this is okay, and we can't pretend that this is simply a causeless eruption.

I don't know what is to come, and I don't know what the best possible outcome is. But the current situation is intolerable, on so many levels. These protests are right, and just, and necessary, and I hope that folks manage to come out of them safe and intact...