An Email to Your Mother

[jducoeur]

An Email to Your Mother
(to the tune of "A Chat With Your Mother", by the Berrymans)

By Justin du Coeur
(Thanks to msmemory for the idea)

There are spammers with their zombie networks, hiding out in Russia,
Pushing penny stocks for firms that make wi-fi-equipped kazoos,
Off'ring ways to grow the size of every bit of genitalia,
It's from them I would expect to get this email, not from you!

  I sit down to read some mail,
  My stuffed Inbox begins to wail,
  I can't control what family members
  Send to one another,
  But I don't want to get all this junk
  Mail from you, please, mother!

There's a kid whose dying wish is postcards from each living person,
And a gift from Mr. Gates if you just let this mail on through,
With a pyramid of blessings if you forward sixteen copies,
It's from them I would expect to get this email, not from you!

There are phishers who would love to steal your every hidden secret,
Using expiration notices most patently untrue,
With a million dollar lottery awaiting in Nigeria,
It's from them I would expect to get this email, not from you!

There are hackers lurking just outside your router, sending packets
All designed to breach your firewall, and then begin to spew
Twenty thousand little worms each taking over other networks,
It's from them I would expect to get this email, not from you!

There are those who click on every link their email programs show them,
Whose computers fill with spyware stuck on their hard drives like glue,
Having no IT department save their poor hard-working children,
It's from them I would expect to get this email, not from you!

(Disclaimer: this isn't really about my own mother, who is usually reasonably restrained.  But I was considering what I needed to warn her about as I get her a new computer and her own internet connection, and msmemory said, "At the danger of you not getting any sleep tonight -- you could tell her in the form of a Berryman song."  This was the result...)