*God*, I hate being the grown-up...

[jducoeur]

Friday evening, I had decided to stay home while msmemory stayed up at Birka. This was simply to assuage my paranoia about the pipes. As it happens, it looks like insulating the oil line properly was the main trick -- we haven't had any problems since then, despite temperatures down around five below zero. Anyone have any good recommendations for the right way to tape up something outside like that? Now that I have some confidence in it, I want to wrap it in some tape to make it more secure and sightly. I don't know if electrical tape is the right thing to use, or if there's another alternative that is hardier for outdoor use.

Anyway...

The pipes weren't a problem. But Merlin was.

You have to understand that Merlin hasn't been completely healthy in many years. A good five years or more ago, he developed a case of irritable bowel disorder that wound up leaving loose stools all over the house. That's one of the reasons we generally haven't been having people over in recent years: while we've tried to stay on top of it, there have always been messes in various places that we haven't gotten cleaned up yet. But he's been the sweetest and liveliest cat, so we cut him slack for his intestinal problems.

He's been slowing down steadily, though, and it seemed like, after Comet died, something of Merlin went with him. He got much more skittish, and much clingier; for the first time ever, he started sleeping in my lap. We noticed that he seemed to be losing a little weight, but his appetite was fairly healthy, so we just didn't fully register it in the crush of other crises.

But on Saturday morning, it really sank in: he hadn't eaten *anything* to speak of in two days. He's skipped meals occasionally before, but he's always made them up on the next one. This time, though, he just wasn't into it. He'd meow for some food, but when presented with it, he'd simply walk away. I presented him with some of the leftover Hills i/d from Comet (the highly-digestible kind), and he was willing to nibble a little of that, but that was it.

So I took him down to the vet and was presented with what we'd been in denial about. He hadn't just lost a little weight, he'd lost a *lot*. He was down to five pounds, from a peak of fifteen five or six years ago, and was pretty well emaciated. The vet said that she could take him into the hospital and do a full workup, but she honestly thought it was unlikely that they could do anything for him. So for the second time in less than two months, I made the call to ladysprite. God bless her -- with very little notice, she figured out how to make it work at her new practice, and arranged to come over on Sunday despite her plans.

And then I went up to Birka. It's probably a good thing the event was there, really -- it forced me out of myself for a day or so, distracting me away from what I knew was coming. It was really just the right event for the purpose: a good con where there was stuff for me to do, and people to socialize with, but no real responsibilities.

Today was home, and responsibilities began to crowd in again. We spent as much of the day as possible with Merlin, scritching and hugging him. He was pretty listless, and still mostly not eating, although we managed to get him to eat a bit of the shrimp for our dinner.

ladysprite came over at 9 o'clock. Having just been through this with Comet, I knew what to expect, but that didn't make it any easier -- I still sobbed like a baby as she put the needle in. In a way, it was even harder this time. Comet was capital-d Dying, and certain to not last the week. Merlin was fading much more slowly, but both vets agreed that his quality of life was likely to keep declining, and I had to agree. He was already weak and shaky, walking carefully and scarcely able to climb at all. And I could tell that he could tell that something was wrong: when he wasn't sleeping, he was clearly uncomforable and out of sorts.

Still and all, it was the single most difficult decision I've ever made. While Comet could be an onery cuss, Merlin was always an incredibly sweet cat, who I could roughhouse with and get a good purr all the time. Letting him go hurts horribly, even knowing that it was right and necessary.

My new year's resolution was to have a year that didn't suck as badly as the last one. That's been pretty well blown by now -- the universe is no respecter of our whims. I've now run out of shoes that I expected to have drop: pretty much everything that I imagined might go wrong this winter has done so. Hopefully I don't have any more surprises waiting around the corner -- I've pretty well run out of tears, and I don't think I can bear any more stress.

It all feels remarkably like the end of a chapter. For several years now, we've been saying that we would move once the cats passed on. Fixing up the house was difficult with the cats in it. Now, I think it's time. More on that anon, as it develops. Time for us to find a place that suits us better than this one has done...

Comments

[hakamadare.livejournal.com]

i think of all the various New Year's resolutions i saw earlier this month, the prospect of yours failing saddens me the most. i'm terribly sorry to hear about Merlin.

good luck, Justin, and my condolences.

[kiya]

aw man, I'm so sorry.

[rufinia.livejournal.com]

I am so sorry to hear this. ::hugs::

[cellio]

Aw, geez. I'm so sorry. I didn't know that Merlin was fading.

{hugs}

Short term solution to gelling

[jtdiii.livejournal.com]

Give your heating oil company a call and ask them if your furnace can tolerate kerosene. When diesel cars experience gelling the common solution is to add more and more kerosene until they are almost running on half kerosene at -30F or so.

If your furnace can tolerate it, you can probably get away with a 10:1 diesel to kerosene mix at -5. 5:1 should insure that you keep running fuel even at -15F or so.

Kerosene is filtered more than home heating oil which removes most of the parafin content that is causing your gelling.

Note: If your oil dealer has no idea, call one in upstate NH or Vermont and they will understand the problem... :)

Good luck and stay warm.

Re: Short term solution to gelling

[jducoeur]

Okay, you're the second person who has suggested this in the past week. The line insulation seems to do most of the trick, but I'll look into it. (With any luck, we'll have moved to a different house by next winter, but it would be useful intelligence for the new owners, if nothing else.) Thanks...

[johno.livejournal.com]

Damn!

*big hugs*

We lost both KitKat & Punkin within the same year. I know how tough it is.

[chaiya.livejournal.com]

I am so sorry. Knowing that something is the right thing to do doesn't keep it from sucking. :(

[mindways]

That's hard. *sympathy*

May all of the year's bad things now be done with, and may blessings, ease, and good things come to you in abundance.

[its-just-me.livejournal.com]

My sympathies to you and Jane

Oh, no!

[cvirtue.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry to hear that you and Jane have had these two deaths, and so close together. There's never a good time for this sort of thing, but this timing is so sad.

Heat tape fastening

[cvirtue.livejournal.com]

Electrical tape might well fail in cold temps, as you probably suspect. You could try some tie-wraps -- those usually white plastic fastener strips with the little teeth all along them, that rachet snug up against whatever. Home Depot has oodles of them; I'm sure a local hardware store would have a small packet suitable for your feed pipe.

Re: Heat tape fastening

[jducoeur]

Hmm. I was hoping for something that looks a little better. But that's a good practical solution for making sure that it at least holds together; thanks...

Re: Heat tape fastening

[cvirtue.livejournal.com]

Once you know the heat tape won't come off, you can then experiment with cosmetic coverings to hide the practicalities.

Aluminum tape might be one -- it would be shiny, and it sticks to itself fairly well. I don't know how long it *stays* shiny, though.

[elizabear.livejournal.com]

Oh God, I'm so sorry!

[asdr83.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry about Merlin.

[keshwyn]

Oh dear, I'm so sorry. Many hugs from me, collect in person the next time I see you.

[mikekn]

Very sorry to hear about Merlin. It's never easy to lose a pet, but so soon after Comet is heartbreaking.

[isisofcool.livejournal.com]

I am so so sorry! I'm in tears myself at my desk - hope no one comes in right now. Hugs to you and Jane.

[ian-gunn.livejournal.com]

I am very sorry for your loss. :( I'm glad Birka provided you with some distraction.

For the oil pipe, I'd recommend the self adhesive wrap around pipe insulation with a reflective layer. It is the ideal stuff for this purpose. It is typically found right next to the electrical heater strips.

[hungrytiger]

Ditto to what Marsy said. That's just so unfair. Deepest sympathies to you and Jane. Marsy and I were say how we want to run home right now and hug our kitties as well.

Merlin

[anastasiav.livejournal.com]

I'm so, so sorry about Merlin.

Some (counts) five years ago now I went through this with a cat I loved beyond all reason. I still, in fact, have photos of him on my bedside table. Its worse, in some ways, when you are (as it seems you are) mourning the end of an era of your life as well as the death of a beloved friend.

Please don't despair. Reboot 2005 at February 1st and look back on January as simply an epilogue for the prior year.

Give Jane a big hug for me.

[kfitzwarin.livejournal.com]

Big hugs, sweeties.

[the-nita.livejournal.com]

*hugs* babe - my profound sympathies.

[goldsquare.livejournal.com]

Mark, I am dreadfully sorry to hear about the double whammy.

Speaking as someone who has had to bounce back a lot - it is kinda foolish to wish away all badness in life, and to resolve that a year won't suck is asking the universe to bend to your will.

If I might offer an alternative - polish the bright spots in your days when you can find them. Treasure your brains, your interests, your wife, your friends. Treasure the possibilities.

No life is free from badness - it's what you do with it that counts.

Again, my deepest sympathies for your loss.

[laurion]

I may not have words that can make it better, but you can see from the number of comments that there's a lot of us who are offering our support to you and Jane, and I hope that helps some.

[oakleaf-mirror.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Sorry to hear about Merlin. Good luck with the housing situation.

Sweet

[cristovau.livejournal.com]

Though I only met him once, he was a sweet little cat.
My condolences on the loss.

[madamruppy.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry about Merlin. I did have to smile at the bit about his loose bowels though, with TidBit's rectal cancer that is a daily fact of life here, so I know what you mean there. I'm so glad you have someone like ladysprite, that makes something like this a wee bit easier to deal with. My vet is great, but she is not the same as having a friend.

[jenwrites.livejournal.com]

I am so sorry.

{{{hugs for you and Jane}}}

[leanne-opaskar.livejournal.com]

I'm really sorry to hear about that, Justin. *hugs* ):

[hfcougar.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry.

*hugs*

[ladyariadne.livejournal.com]

My heart goes out to you my friend.

I had to my feline friend down a few years ago when he had cancer of the nose of something like that...we never did get the final diagnosis as that would have invovled an autopsy.

It was the same thing, knowing it was going to be a long drawn out demise. Still did not make the sorrow any less.

I hope that someday you can find another good friend. There are many out there that will love you so much when the time is right.

[alienor.livejournal.com]

::hugs::