Face-to-face vs. broadcast; or, Why The Internet is Killing the SCA

[jducoeur]

[x-Posted from the carolingia community, for those who aren't reading that community.]

Okay, it's a provocative title. But I do think there's a grain of truth in it.

I'm reacting to a syndrome I've seen a lot of lately. I am specifically not reacting to any one incident, or accusing anyone of anything. On the contrary, this is a mistake that I've seen most of the folks in the Barony make in recent years, and I'm as guilty of it as anyone. If you see yourself in this, you're probably right, but can comfort yourself in knowing that you're in good company. But it seems to be happening ever-more-often, so I think it's worth pointing out.

The question is this: how do you ask people to do something? Everyone seems to have latched onto the same basic approach, which gets used again and again, which I think of as "broadcast requests". That is, you write up a description of what you would like people to do -- perform in a play, help with an event, assist with moving, attend Council, whatever -- and you send it over the Internet. Just to be on the safe side, you send it *everywhere* on the Internet. You send it to the email lists (preferably to all of the Barony's dozen or so major lists), you post it to your personal LJ, you post it to the Baronial LJ community -- you make sure that everyone has seen this message, in many cases a bunch of times. And then you wait for people to respond. It's a lovely approach, except for one little thing:

It doesn't work.

Well, okay, that's an exaggeration. More precisely, it doesn't work very well. A few people who you are close to might come help. If the idea is *really* cool and inspiring, or your timing is just right, you might get enough people to get by. But in general, you don't get as many people as you wanted, or as many as you expected. "Surely," you think, "things used to work better than this." Well, in fact, they did, at least somewhat. And the reason, odd though it seems, is that it used to be a lot *harder* to ask for help.

The thing is, in the olden days before the Internet (way back in the pre-1995 Dark Ages, when you couldn't assume that everyone and their cat had reliable Internet access), you were forced into the primitive technique of actually *asking* people. Face-to-face, one-to-one. Oh, there were broadcast mechanisms -- announcements in Council, publishing in the Minuscule -- but they *clearly* were unreliable, so you couldn't depend on them. So you did the legwork of actually talking to the people you knew, and asking them personally to help, whether it be to act in your play, come to your party, assist with your event, or come be grunt labor. You worked hard at it -- not just asking people when you happened to run into them, but seeking them out to ask them to play.

And the thing is, asking someone personally makes a huge difference. Yes, it's much more work to ask all those individuals. And it's scary, because the odds are good that some of those people -- often a majority -- will say "no". (The SCA are, by and large, a shy bunch, and most of us don't react well to rejection. I think that part of what's driven the trend towards broadcast requests is that they're safe -- neither side of the request needs to look each other in the eye as they deal with that "no".) But the odds that any given person will say "yes" when asked personally are *dramatically* higher than if they read it in a broadcast.

The reasons for that are many and complex. Part of it is simply the sense of personal obligation, and part is honest gratitude. The thing is, a broadcast is fundamentally *impersonal*. Posting something in your LJ is like putting out a news report: no one feels like you're really talking about them. Even most email invites are impersonal to a substantial degree, because while you might only be asking a dozen people, if you're asking those dozen all with the same form letter, you're still not making a *personal* request. And most people *like* personal requests. Even if you're being asked for something that might be a little inconvenient, the notion that someone thought of you, personally, to ask really means something. It's a real sense of being bound into the community by those little personal contacts.

And that's where the "killing the SCA" thing comes in. Because I genuinely think that, for all that email and LJ have enabled us to know a lot more people in ways more intimate than we might ever have expected, it's been impeding those little one-to-one, face-to-face contacts that bind the community together. Oh, we still have enough that we're not suddenly imploding. But we've fallen somewhat out of the habit of making those little personal requests to come help, weakening the community. And Carolingia is nothing if it isn't a community.

So my advice to you, next time you need people for something, is to beat the bushes personally. Seek out opportunities to ask folks in person. Email is okay if you aren't going to get a face-to-face chance, but *personal* email is a lot better than group email. And there's nothing wrong with sending out broadcasts as a supplement, but don't fool yourself into thinking they're enough. Instead, take the chance and ask people individually. It'll give you a better chance of success with your project, and it's better for the community as a whole...

Comments

[lady-guenievre.livejournal.com]

Thank you for posting this. It's something I've noticed too, not so much personally, but in watching those who are very effective at getting things done in the local area versus those who are not.

[jducoeur]

Yaas -- it's usually pretty closely correlated to success, and it's one reason why specific people wind up in conspicuous leadership positions: they're focused on networking. Networking is *everything* in any social situation, and the Internet hasn't changed that...

[siderea]

Yes -- though people keep thinking the Internet has changed that. Those who think that are, of course, wrong.

You are so right

[patsmor.livejournal.com]

And I am as guilty as anyone else of doing this. Thanks for the useful reminder....

[metahacker.livejournal.com]

I have found that this is true when addressing as few as 2 other people. Unless you speak to them by name, and make it clear you are asking "A and B", not "A or B", it is far to easy for B or A to pretend you meant the other one.

[msmemory.livejournal.com]

Devil's advocate:
A related phenomenon is impacting the Order of the Eastern Star. You get asked to do things if you're already on the list of People Who Do Things. So ladies who are already officers get asked to bring the refreshments -- but there is no general announcement for Help Wanted. So the people who are already bearing the biggest burden -- officers, Grand Representatives, Deputy Marshals, whatever -- are the ones who get asked to take on more, but the sideliners can just sit back and watch, thinking that no one needs them to bring the punch next time.

[siderea]

Not so much devil's advocate as a different problem: he's addressing the means of the request, not the target of it.

It is also a problem that needs to be addressed, and I would say it needs to be addressed in two directions.

First, consciousness raising among those looking for volunteers to not just go to the same people all the time -- or at least, be willing to be redirected, a la...

Second, for the people who are likely targets of being asked, to start keeping a mental (or, heck, actual) portfolio of referals. If you're the person they always ask to bring the refreshments, keep a list of other people whom they might ask instead.

[alienor.livejournal.com]

And third, as jducoeur mentioned in the OP, don't stop broadcasting. You may turn up help from an unexpected source. When I first started playing SCA, I had a really hard time getting "in" because I didn't even know what needed to do (they relied almost exclusively on personal communication).

[siderea]

Word.

[siderea]

There's this great story about Tip O'Neill (gakked from www.lebanondemocrats.com/get.htm):

There is a story told by Tip O'Neill about a woman in his neighborhood. He had mowed her lawn and carried her groceries for years and when he first ran for office he expected her vote. He didn't get it.

Surprised, he went to her. "You didn't ask, Tommy," she said, "people like to be asked." It was a lesson Tip O'Neill never forgot. People like to be asked. Take nothing for granted.

[siderea]

Better version, from http://www.bc.edu/libraries/centers/burns/exhibits/virtual/tponeill/s-speaker/

One lesson was learned on the last day of the campaign from his high school elocution and drama teacher, a neighbor who lived across the street from his residence. On that fateful day, Mrs. Elizabeth O'Brien approached the aspiring politician and said "Tom, I'm going to vote for you tomorrow even though you didn't ask me." O'Neill was puzzled as he had known Mrs. O'Brien for years and had done chores for her, cutting grass, raking leaves and shoveling snow. He told his neighbor that "I didn't think I had to ask for your vote." She replied "Tom, let me tell you something: People like to be asked."

[liamstliam.livejournal.com]

I would say do both.

Constance posted for help at EKU.

I contacted her and said yes when she asked if I would run cleanup.

I personally asked two other people. Now we have the start of a crew.

I wouldn't give up the broadcast, but would rather combine it.

[hfcougar.livejournal.com]

Remind me to ask you personally for help with my event in December. ;)

[liamstliam.livejournal.com]

There's an event in December?

[jducoeur]

Oh, certainly -- if you look at the last paragraph, I'm explicit on that point. But it's important to recognize that you can make a lot more headway with a concerted personal effort than with *any* amount of broadcasting...

[liamstliam.livejournal.com]

Yep.

I re-read and saw that.

[cellio]

Broadcast has been in use for a lot longer than the ubiquitious internet has existed. When I joined the SCA the broadcasts were in the newsletters or by people standing up at barony meeting and asking. I learned the "ask personally if you want to get stuff done" lesson very early. Yes, also broadcast to pick up the people you don't know to ask, but the personal contact is still important.

Today I see requests on the baronial mailing list -- and people still put them in the newsletters and stand up at barony meeting. The smart ones also ask for individual help. I haven't seen the big changes that you apparently have.

The big change I've seen is the assumption that people have seen the electronic broadcast. (And, of course, as member-originated spam increases, the odds of that decrease.) People looking for help still cover all the easy bases because they have a stake in it; people disseminating information, on the other hand, sometimes stop at the mailing list or, worse yet, the completely-unofficial channels like LJ. Putting the event menu in your LJ does not count as publishing it to the barony. (You aren't required to publish it, of course, but if you intend to you should actually do so.)

[jimpage363.livejournal.com]

I'd have to agree. We see the same thing in congregational work. But, after all, isn't the personal touch a better approach for everything? Really, when you ask someone face-to-face, it's harder for them to say "no!" to your imploring puppy-dog eyes. Besides, then you get the people you WANT to work on a project, not the ones who just show up.