The Wristband

[jducoeur]

[Happy birthday to dglenn!]

So I've been neglecting to write this entry for weeks, ever since hfcougar got the prize for being the first person to notice that I'm wearing one of those silly rubber wristbands. In fact, I've been wearing it for three full months now. Folks apparently haven't noticed because it's long-sleeve season, and that's okay -- the thing is for me, not as a public statement. But I promised Heather that I'd write up what it is, and a current discussion in another friend's LJ reminded me that I've been meaning to talk about the value of disciplined mental practice.

The thing is, I've got a bad habit: existing mentally anywhere but where I am. It's an easy habit to fall into. On the one hand, there is stewing: spending all my time rehashing old mistakes, engaging in "I shoulda"s and self-flagellating myself over them. This is unproductive -- it's one thing to learn from one's mistakes, but quite another to be unable to get past them. OTOH, there is dreaming: spending so much time thinking about the wonderful things that *could* be that I don't get around to making them actually happen. That's fun, but ultimately unsatisfying -- dreaming too much doesn't actually get you what you want and need.

I don't remember precisely what kick-started my doing something about it, but I'd bet it was reflecting on someone (probably herooftheage) attributing their general good spirits to trying to enjoy the here-and-now, rather than spending too much time elsewhere. That made eminent good sense to me, but I couldn't simply wave my hand and change my mental pathways: bad habits are always hard to break. I decided I needed a sort of string around my finger, to keep reminding me. The only way you develop good mental habits is by practicing them, frequently and regularly.

How to create such a reminder? It occurred to me that there's already a common way to do that -- indeed, so common and trite it's often ignored by most of us: those silly rubber wristbands. Yes, nowadays they're mostly worn as almost a tribal affiliation, a way to be "in", but the original concept of the Live Strong bracelet, as I understand it, was to teach a basic lesson. So I inquired of mighty Google, discovered that there are a *zillion* sites that make these things, chose 24 Hour Wristbands more or less at random, and ordered one. (Surprisingly cheap, BTW -- less than $10 for a custom band, including shipping.) It came in in late November (just before Zingdom died, which was probably very good timing), and I've been wearing it ever since.

What does it say? It has a 2-part message, fore and aft, and both parts are important. The front says, "Live in the Moment". That's the basic reminder. Don't spend too much time mulling over the past, nor too much dreaming about the future; instead, remember to pay attention to what's in front of me right now. The back, equally important, says "and *enjoy* it!". Because there is pretty much always something to enjoy in the here-and-now, if one is minded to look.

It helps. A good mindset comes with practice, and bit by bit I'm practicing. It was damned good timing: with the wrong mindset, the loss of Zingdom (just as I was starting to get somewhere there) could have been crushing; instead, it became an opportunity. And there's something oddly comforting about having that little physical relic when I get too stressed, to remind me to calm down, refocus, and get back on track...

Comments

[jenwrites.livejournal.com]

I suppose I shouldn't make a habit of wearing my black "DESPAIR" wristband. I don't need any practice at that.

[dglenn.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the birthday greeting, and also for posting about this lesson -- one I need to work on myself.

[hungrytiger]

Cool! I wore one of those for a while when I was dieting as a reminder to myself to think twice before grabbing some food or opening the fridge. I got annoyed with it though, because I really wanted a more "me" saying on it. So thanks for the cool pointer!

What's surprised me is that Marvel & DC haven't marketed superhero ones, e.g. black w/ the Batman logo, red w/ the Superman logo, blue with the FF logo, etc. I'd have snapped up one of those. Quick poke of the websites... yup, some of them offer custom bands with the superman logo (probably not licensed, but whatever).

I remember seeing some DC comics many years back (Young Justice springs to mind) that had characters wearing "WW[S]D?" bracelets That is, the What Would Jesus Do? initials but with the Superman logo where the J would have been. I recall Young Justice specifically, because Peter David had thrown in a shot of Impulse wearing a WW/D bracelet (with the / being the Flash logo) which I thought was in perfect keeping for the character.

I may have to get myself a custom red WW[S]D? bracelet.

[metahacker.livejournal.com]

Huh. I wear something of similar purpose when SCAdian, at the suggestion of Cariadoc. Hadn't thought of it for everyday mindfulness, though. Neat idea.

I do participate in the idea that things like wedding rings are a similar sort of worry stone to remind one of the connection (and positive valence of such!) to another, not to the world, and demanded one of wispfox after our state transition... Do you find your mementos of msmemory have a similar effect?

[jducoeur]

Do you find your mementos of msmemory have a similar effect?

Some, yes. For example, the very first photo of the two of us (kissing at Falling Leaves) is still in the mirror on my dresser, a fine reminder of romance in times of stress. Although I'd say that our weekly date is probably the most important bit of "mindful relationship" for the two of us...

[gyzki.livejournal.com]

Living in the moment is a fine thing, but don't forget the past.

[jducoeur]

Oh, sure. But I could scarcely do that, given my nature. This is all about finding a reasonable sense of balance...

[rosinavs.livejournal.com]

Having a daily reminder is a good idea. I should probably get one to remind me of the book that kept me going through the dark days of my reappointment committee voting no last fall. I have not been keeping up well with some things lately, and that should help me through it.

[serakit.livejournal.com]

You know, I've never thought of it this way before, but my pentacle was originally serving a similar purpose when I bought it- reminding me to weave Wiccan values into my everyday life.

And you have no idea how comforting it is to know that you're human and have flaws... I was starting to think you were far above us ordinary mortals.

[jducoeur]

Pfft -- hardly. I'm more or less back on an even keel at the moment, but that's far from consistent. And mostly I'm just good at bulling my way on through, as best I can.

(I don't even *like* the concept of "far above". It's one of the reasons I don't do the peerage-regalia thing all that much...)

[baron-steffan.livejournal.com]

The concept is surely not new to either of us, Brother %^). I keep my temper and mood reigned in by remembering the lesson of the Compasses on my finger.

Interestingly, the Square doesn't resonate for me that much anymore. Rather than seeking perfection, I'm trying to accept things as they are to a greater degree than has been my habit. I've adopted the chorus of Leonard Cohen's "Anthem" as my mantra:

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There's a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in

[jducoeur]

The concept is surely not new to either of us, Brother

Hmm. Hadn't even thought about it that way -- not having a ring, I've never had occasion to consider it like that...

[mindways]

Excellent. :)