On Fun

[jducoeur]

One highlight of the day today was the sending to Pelican vigil of Master Robyyan, an old friend from the dance community.  In his vigil book, I mentioned Rule #1, which I cite frequently these days:

Do what's Fun.
Don't do what's not Fun.

And it reminded me that people have challenged me on that several times, citing the necessity of unfun.  But I want to push back on that a bit.

Unfun can be a necessary evil, but it's less necessary than often believed.  If something is unfun, see what you can do to change that.  Sometimes that's a matter of finding the joy in what you're doing.  (For instance, the discovery of the cameraderie of doing dishes after the event for an hour.)  Sometimes it is changing the task to be more fun.  (Kobayashi Maru cheats can be a blast.)  Sometimes it's finding the person for whom it *is* fun to do it instead.  (Remember, delegation in a good thing on many levels.)  Sometimes, it's challenging your assumptions and saying, "Why are we doing this unfun thing anyway?"

And yes, occasionally you have to suck it up and just accept the unfun stoically.  But you'd be surprised how often one of the above techniques can be applied if you're willing to put some imagination into it, and how much healthier you'll be for it.

So don't just accept unfun.  Rule #1 matters - it's the heart of survival in the SCA or any other organization, and it's worth trying to live by...

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Comments

[lauradi7.livejournal.com]

I'm reading a book by Jayne Williams, who calls herself the Slow Fat Triathlete. It's not uncommon for people who write exercise books or articles to talk about how to make your workout fun (do it with friends, do something that feels like a hobby, such as dancing, etc), but she takes it a step back to try to figure out where the perception of physical activity as drudgery comes from. She notes that of the things we're sure our ancient ancestors did (eat, sleep, cover distances on foot, have sex), exercise is the one that a lot of people now shun. She doesn't come up with good answers about why (and amusingly points out that people who would claim that they hate to work hard or stretch or drip with sweat don't mind doing those things when they're connected with sex), but advocates re-framing things so that running/lifting/whatever count as fun, even if you have to rename parts of it, such as calling it a movement adventure instead of a workout.

Reframing

[andrea habura (from livejournal.com)]

Justin is, as usual, very wise in his prescriptions. I couldn't add anything to them.

wrt Williams: I suspect renaming wouldn't work for most people: it's too external. There needs to be at least some pleasure in the act, IMO, or else it really is drudgery. If you just flat out don't want to do what you're doing, you will eventually either 1) numb a part of your personality or 2) stop doing it, no matter what you call it. Better to find something valuable to do that resonates better with you. For example, it took me decades to find a form of exercise that suited me, but now that I have, I actually *look forward* to it.

[serakit.livejournal.com]

I think some of that is because a lot of people work out to be thin-- thinness is the pleasurable thing; exercise is just the means to that end, and "workouts" are really boring because you're doing the same thing over and over to just "tone" this one particular muscle. It's not fun because it's the same kind of repetitive stuff some homework is. Lots of people get their exercise from dancing or team sports and they actively have fun doing it.

[jducoeur]

Makes sense. The terminology thing comes across to me as a bit tritsy, but I did eventually come to the understanding that I work out best in front of a TV show -- that helps make it fun for me, so I do that frequently...

[laurion]

Ben and Jerry's has a bumper sticker with exactly this sentiment: "If it's not fun, why do it?". It's veryimportant that it is phrased as a question. It implores you to actually reflect and think on it. You may reach the conclusion that it is a necessity that it be done, but again, you have at least reflected and perhaps found other options.

[jenwrites.livejournal.com]

This is so true. And I think it's why I eventually left the SCA. I realized that I just wasn't having the fun I'd had back when I first joined. Events felt like obligations, and I was also starting to feel like a failure for not having reached certain milestones. Expensive hobbies shouldn't leave you feeling like a failure.

[unicornpearlz.livejournal.com]

I tried to leave the SCA for the same reason. Now I'm back. But,I'm taking a GIANT step away from the stressors.

[jducoeur]

Exactly the right thing to do. I try to keep an eye on the stressors, and change what I'm doing before they overwhelm me. (After 20-some years of that, this is why I'm known as such a dilettante.)

[jducoeur]

Yeah, that's not unusual. The Society has a lot of strengths, but one weakness is a Responsibility meme that sometimes runs amuck. This is part of why I always watch myself for burnout, and try to pro-actively change tracks when I see it coming at me, before I get to that point...

[the-nita.livejournal.com]

Thank you for understanding one of my life rules.

A sense of responsibility

[unicornpearlz.livejournal.com]

And, a sense of putting others needs before my own.

That's why I do the unfun things.

But, fun is important too. :)

Re: A sense of responsibility

[jducoeur]

Yes and no -- this is a pretty serious point. You're right, but it's horribly important to find, if not fun per se, at least a real, deep joy and satisfaction in helping others like this. Without that, you eventually wind up on the road to burnout and disillusionment.

I've seen that happen *so* many times: it's a classic SCA Pelican-track trap, and part of why you so often see people drop out shortly after Peerage: it serves as an opportunity to reflect, and they realize that they *haven't* been having Fun for much too long, because they've over-burdened themselves with responsibility...

[baron-steffan.livejournal.com]

And I might mention a more specific citation of the principle, one my Silverwing's Laws:

The prime rule of Pennsic: It's your vacation, stupid!

And the corollary: It's everyone else's too. Someone has to make it happen.

[baron-steffan.livejournal.com]

Robbyan Tor d'Elandris? That Robbyan? I figured that was a done deal decades ago....

[jducoeur]

No, his Laurel was ages agone, but apparently the Pelican is only now...